so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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