It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
