When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
