There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
