Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
