I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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