when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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