I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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