Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
