did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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