I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
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