If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
