Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
