the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
