watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
