so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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