i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize