"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
