I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
