whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
