I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
