he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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