I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My pussy is not your playground.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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