There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
