I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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