about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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