I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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