I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
too bad you live with your parents still
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
