I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
