Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize