we have officially lost it.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Pants are for mortals
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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