so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
