I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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