I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
