I think i peed on brittanys purse
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
