Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
