im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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