Don't make out with my wife yet
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
