You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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