The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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