At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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