Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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