Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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