just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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