im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
