i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
