Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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