the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
