3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
