I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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