i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she told me i tasted like america
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
