I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
