It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
