Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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