found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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