remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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