Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
