i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
