Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
