I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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