from now on my penis is your penis
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
this is an emotional support booty call
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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