i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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