I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
