If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
