I'm going to jail i love you
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
