just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you inspire me to be a worse person
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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