dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
