Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize