can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize