That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize