and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
