can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
