Ketchup is God's man juice
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
