the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
no you cant smoke seaweed
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
