I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
