Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
