my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
