Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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