So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
