he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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