Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize