you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Farmville is her only friend.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
