last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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